I have a very hard time coming up with titles for my thought rambles. This title is courtesy of a meditation that I listened to this morning. And it is so fitting to my life right now.
Supposedly it is Spring but the temperature and the weather is not reflecting the season. It looks and feels like winter. The flowers are not confused, they are breaking through the surface. The birds are not confused — more are arriving every day, waking Robin up with their morning song. I would love to state that my mood is lighter, happier but I dislike lying.
It feels like I am at the bottom of a very dark, deep pit. The gray skies are not helping. Recently because of either age, or weight, or changes in the measurement — my blood pressure is up. I now require medication — strokes run in my family — one of my aunts was stricken by one and lost most of her quality of life. I’m reminded regularly that I have many more years to accomplish something. What? I have no idea? But in order to enjoy a good quality of life, I need to be in reasonably good health.
When I fell backwards, down the stairs before New Years, my blood pressure was extremely high. So high that my children pestered me to go to the doctors and I received medication. Recently I accompanied my husband to the doctor for his visit. On the way we had a “discussion.” My children were concerned about my cough and wanted our doctor to make sure I didn’t have pneumonia or some other health problem. When the nurse wanted to take my blood pressure, I knew I was in trouble. I knew I was still UPSET. I was RIGHT! My blood pressure was so high she wanted me to take it the next morning and phone her with the results. Thankfully I took it again that night and it was down. I also took it the following morning and it was still in a safe range.
My learning from this experience is that I have to be in better control of my body. I’m not saying that I shouldn’t get angry because there are many times when that response is called for. My husband knows the right buttons to push to get a response. I just need to be aware — a sleeping dragon is within. I don’t need to awaken the beast! I need to be able to take action to quiet it back down. Many memories from my past don’t always bring warm thoughts. Throwing them out instead of dwelling on them is appropriate. I can’t change the weather outside, maybe I can change the weather inside of my own body. That will continue to be the challenge.