There are 352 days in the year. For some reason, some days are more important than others. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays head the list. So are the dates of passing. Yesterday was the anniversary of the fire — passing of my mother and brother. It has been 70 years since they passed.
If I hadn’t remembered myself – the events of the week would have reminded me. If there is a better way of describing the events that occur in my life, at the moment it is hiding. One of my descriptions is BLOCKS. It doesn’t matter what I try to do, I CAN’T. I might be trying to write and can’t think. I might be trying to use the computer and it won’t work. I might be trying to cook and run into obstacles. I might have had something in my hand, put it down and it hides.
January 13, my computer would not connect to the internet. I asked my son for help and he said the internet was running, he had no problem. I tried to connect to a meditation and was prevented. I finally figured out that the BLOCKS were on. I don’t know why, I’m constantly reminded to meditate but that one is blocked. Too much time? I’m challenged when it comes to meditating. I have learned how to keep my mind blank, clear thoughts but I don’t connect.
No energy this week, I went downtown to drop off paperwork and my camera for cleaning. I stopped into St. Peter’s for Mass. I always pick up the bulletin and read it on my way home. I was reminded that fire symbolizes the transforming energy of the Holy Spirit’s actions. Bible reading today reminded me that in fire gold is tested. This is not the first time that I have heard these things. My scars are a reminder that I have been tested — but I’m not gold. It has taken many years but I now admit that I walk to a different drummer. Some talents have been discovered, many may still be hidden.
I did not know the date of the passing of my mother and brother for many years. It wasn’t necessarily hidden, just never talked about. Sadly, my family didn’t speak about my mother either — maybe it was too painful. Too celebrate January 19 this year, I took the ornaments off of our Christmas tree. Our tree is a memory tree and most of the ornaments have meaning. I knew I had four little metal angels, all playing different instruments. I found three. I usually place them in a grouping, together in the same area. I searched and searched without success.
Sunday, removing the lights, the little missing metal angel fell off the tree holding cymbals. I also found an Irish angel holding a harp. Reminded of my mother and brother, I laughed. My mom was Irish.