Random Acts of "Kindness"

Archive for February, 2015

LOOKING BACK

LOOKING BACK

Time passes so quickly — minuets, hours, days, months, years quickly pass. Sometimes we notice the passage of time, especially when a birthday occurs and we notice we have added another year to our age. My last birthday a friend mentioned that I would notice the passage of time, and she was right.

Driving to meet my friend the other day, I watched a person on cross country skies in a park, gliding through the snow. It brought back wonderful memories. What I didn’t want to remember was my age at the time — my mantra for that year was “life begins at forty.” I still have my skies, but I don’t know if I would have the courage to put them on. My body isn’t as flexible as it was then and my weight is up. I don’t look forward to putting on skies to play in the snow. To be honest, I don’t look forward to snow either.

Looking back I remember other activities that have fallen by the wayside. I used to paint in oils. I haven’t had them out in years but they are waiting for me. I have tried watercolor — not as successfully and acrylics. I haven’t invested the time needed to become proficient — of course unless the paintings were good enough to sell, I don’t have wall space to display them.

Looking back — I was also involved in storytelling. I was a member of a guild and regularly attended storytelling events. Although I still tell stories to people who cross my path that need them, I don’t see myself becoming a professional storyteller. Because of that realization, I have parted with many of the books of fables and stories that I had hoped to use. The stories I tell are personal, they travel with me — I keep them in my pocket — always available.

Looking back — I have two sewing machines that were often in motion. I haven’t had the desire to sew anything in a few years but I’m not ready to say I have stopped. I haven’t had either my knitting needles or crochet hook out either. I still have yarn but haven’t seen anything that has inspired me.

If I’m honest, I have to admit that more has changed in my body than just age, and my flexibility and weight. My fingers don’t have the ability to work with small items, my eyes need stronger glasses and more light. When I start counting the negative changes that age and extra weight have caused in my life, I either see a person whose body is giving them more challenges than mine — cane, wheelchair or motorized scooter or a story of someone’s health challenges crosses my path. Often, that person is much younger than myself.

Time passes so quickly — it will soon be the anniversary of my father’s birthday and his passing. More than 20 years have gone by and thankfully he and others on the other side are still a part of my life.

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ARCHIEVE

There is a saying that curiosity killed the cat — but I’m not a cat. I wondered what my weight was when I last went to Hawaii. I wondered how long I was able to keep my weight off the last time I was successful. I wondered what my body thought my set weight is. I wondered how much weight I had lost. I wasn’t happy with the numbers.

The last time I went to Hawaii, my weight was were it is right now. That isn’t a bad thing, I fit in the plane seat then. But it isn’t were I want to be. My back was hurting when I spent too much time on my feet baking cookies this Christmas. Looking back at my calendars, I learned that my set weight is were it is right now. Again, that is not what I want. I wondered why I wasn’t able to keep my weight down after I had lost 10 pounds and learned that I had fallen into a deep depression.

So the question is what am I going to do with this knowledge. Some of the information explains why I’m not losing weight right now. I have to get out of the muck, sleep better and get some energy. The strength exercises are helping my sore arm. I’m not slathering it with as much cream — I’m not taking as much pain medicine. I might be getting some strength back in my arm but I have to admit that I’m not testing it.

I decided that I needed to amp up my exercise — then I pulled something in my right leg. It is not too much of a problem when I’m awake, but when I try to sleep it makes its presence known. My favorite positions are now uncomfortable. I’m trying not to make the problem worse which means that I have scaled back my exercise.

I’ll admit that I haven’t gone back to the diet that was so successful last year. I don’t want to give up some of the food that wasn’t allowed. I’m also making more meals that all my family will eat — not cooking separate meals just for me. The bad news is this idea isn’t helping me to lose weight. There will be four birthday celebrations over the next month. The celebrations are always hard for my weight management. I’m not giving up yet, but I haven’t come up with a good solution either.

MUCK

MUCK

Gooey, slippery, smothering — muck. It is hard to get out of it — it grabs hold and doesn’t let go. Sometimes there is a reason for it. Rain causes the ground to become a muddy mess. That wasn’t the kind of muck I was stuck in. AND THERE WAS NO REASON FOR IT. I had been trying to lose weight — unsuccessfully. The weather, although moderate wasn’t to blame. No snow — temperatures above zero — I was able to get out of the house, safely take Robin for a walk. Thankfully no serious health problems or money problems. Okay, not enough money to go on a shopping spree but again, thankfully, no bill collectors calling on the phone.

Grey skies or if you prefer gray skies — the good news — kept the temperature up — I tried to convince myself to be happy for the blanket — warmer weather. I missed the sun, the blue skies. I exercised — I even added strength training. I tried meditating — no progress.

To make matters worse, my memory took a vacation. I’m usually good at writing checks, remembering to pay bills. The muck affected my ability to think. I won’t bore you with some of my mistakes, hopefully it isn’t long lasting. Our car needed a repair and I miswrote the check not once but two times. I went to the bank the same day — that was definitely a mistake. Thankfully the clerk was very helpful. I thought my forgetfulness was past until I totally screwed up when it came to filing our paperwork to save money on our taxes. Thankfully I discovered my mistake in time and was able to get the paperwork downtown before the file date.

Depression? Winter Blues? I don’t have a clue. I don’t have any energy — I have the time to make some progress on our house but no desire to do anything. I wandered to the store on Saturday — I met a member of our church. She shared the news that a parishioner had gone into the hospital for surgery and something went wrong, she had just attended his funeral. We should be glad we are still here. And I am — I just want to get out of the muck. The week before, at the store again, a woman ahead of me confided that the calorie count for exercise on the program I’m using to try to lose weight is high. And I thought that allowed me to eat a few more calories. WRONG!

Still trying, but some results would be nice.

WAKING UP

An alarm went off at 6:15 this morning, waking me up. The interesting fact is the alarm was in my head, not an alarm clock or the radio. I’ve been having trouble sleeping all night. Members of our household have been waking me up at 3:00 AM and I have stayed awake for at least two hours before falling back to sleep. Last night I got to sleep off and on until 4:00. At 5:15 I was still awake and must have drifted off to sleep after that. WHY DID I HAVE TO GET UP AT 6:15? We didn’t have plans to go anywhere — no one unexpected or invited was coming to our house. Why did I have to get up?

I’ll admit that I have been receiving “help” from my friends in high places. I’m still trying to lose weight. I have already mentioned “their help” with my plans for breakfast when we were going out. They haven’t stopped there. I suppose it is my age but the weight is not falling off, instead it is giving me hugs and refusing to move. Recently I opened a 1996 Cooking Light book to an article on how strength training is of benefit to older people — 70 years to 90. The day before I read a magazine article on the same subject. I’m getting the message — I join Jane Fonda’s DVD once or twice a week to lift some weights. My weight, on the other hand, is still stuck.

My husband mentioned that when I danced to Richard Simmons I’ve lost weight. In desperation, I put a DVD on the machine and prepared to Party Off The Pounds. My note on that DVD said that I had only made it through the fourth dance the last time. That might have been the same this time except the phone rang and interrupted me for enough minutes that I was able to continue to the end. I still have all my pounds but I did get hungry.

The food that I’m logging and the exercise I’m doing is showing that I’m not eating all my exercise calories. I received an e-mail asking me if I thought I should eat the extra calories I’m working off or save them for an outing. Since I’m not melting the pounds, eating the extra calories doesn’t make too much sense. Something has to move this weight.

On another front — my mind or memory. I have been receiving messages to join Luminosity to help my brain. That probably would be a good thing if I would do it consistently but life gets busy and the best laid plans of mice and men fall by the wayside. I have much experience starting programs — some paid for and others free that have been forgotten within a short period of time. I received a message inviting me to try Fit Brain — it is free, up to a point. I must admit that I’m having fun, but I’m planning to stay at the free site. I won’t feel bad if life gets busy.

I probably should also state that the number of invitations to try various diet programs are increasing. If I could plan just my menus they might work, but including my husband sinks them before I start. I really don’t like preparing two separate meals. I’m stubborn, I’m not giving up — JUST YET.

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